我羡慕人家有斗志心，能因为不想被看不起而努力奋斗。

我做不到，我很想因为人家骂我''草包''而努力然他们看。

三个月前我为了同意件事而伤心。

我为何没有脾气??为什么不会生气??

我甚至连七亲六欲都好像没有。

我周围的亲戚朋友，人人是状元。。只有我远远落后。

长大真的不好玩!!!!

我心烦，心疼，心急。urghhh. wtfffff。

我想一醉不醒。

别管我，我还是比较喜欢自己一个人承受一切的烦恼。

我不知道何时被卷进这个混乱中。

真的很屎。

我第一次做坏人，第一次对不起自己，第一次受到良心的牵着。

i used to lead a carefree, happy go lucky life.
but now, within 9 days, all sorts of things i heard or happened on me are so beyond my wildest imagination.

我真的不能相信我会有这样的一天， 我好怀念小学没压力的日子。

怀念中一中二的坏小孩的日子，无尤无录的日子。

i cannot even believe im studying chemistry, physcis and amaths such crap.

有时后，我真的感到好无足。

我还找不到人身的目标, 到底是为了什么而活。

没人能引导我吗?

相信我，whatever you do, it wont make me feel deeper nor more hurt. you cannot affect me. only isabel can. but she's out of my life already.

亲爱的，就别怪自己了。

只要给我一点时间，然我慢慢想通，慢慢放下你，就行了。

meanwhile, LET'S ENJOY THE LAST 2 DAYS OF 2008!! and then giv a boring clap to 2009 =.=

me knows me had been bloggin bout love love love. very boring.

so me told myself, me will not say about them anymore. me so good right ? dont wan bore u to death.

okay. today went to sch , bought books. then chatted with ais and the others in dance studio.

left, went home..packed and headed to city hall to meet korkor.

then ran around town running errands with him =.=

city hall..somerset..dhoby ghout..bugis..wow. bleah.

finally reach sengkang. then dropped my stuff, change..went swim swim.

i swam and swam, tried to drain my energy, my soul. but i cant. u jus wont get out of my mind.

it hurts. i wna forget u. but i dont wna forget u. contradicting much?

oh shit..there i go with love again.. SORRY xP

anyw, HERE GOT CARTOON!!! WEEEE got spongebob squarepants.

and it's so peaceful here, no naggings. not quarrelings. not shouting. no noise.

i love it here. i can clear out my thoughts, relax and chill.

mayb when she's gone. i will move here. hais.

OHAIYO!
leaving this place and headin to the other side of the island for a 3D2N vacation at bro's condo..
muahahaha.
needa leave this place for a while.
my heart's suffering a relapse from the love illness.
it's aching and u're not here to giv me a hug to relieve the tension.
must faster go sengkang. go thr swim.
staying here will only lead to another hectic day.
must move to a unfamiliar area, relax and chill.
so yea..ciaos ^^ cya assholes when sch reopens ~

when my brain was processing the trigo function question ,
my heart was aching like it had jus went for a 5km marathon, it was so painful. so painful for me to bear. i jus felt like stabbing myself, let the pain go off.
i was telling myself '' let her go, jus let it go..jus do that fucking logarithm question ''
i couldn't. i really really wan to, but my heart clinch on to u like a koala bear to a tree.
thanks zhar bo, thanks for making me let out how i felt .
i feel so much better, no more big fat rock crushing onto my heart, no more aching stabbing feel.
i figured it out.
i wont let u go. i wont stop loving u.
but i will not let my feelings tie me down, tie me away from my studies.
i wan to score. score and go to the course i wan. then i can really do what i wan.
then i will put in my all to court u. beware xP
bwahahahaha

at least i manage to catch 8 hrs of sleep daily.
although compared to my 14hrs of daily sleep i used to have it's like chicken feet but better than nothing . i hate waking up so bloody fking early in the moring.
used to wake up at 2/3pm , then watch tv and eat. then all my fave tv shows will be on air though is repeated. and then dinner, then use comp til 3am. then sleep.
a day can pass so quickly u see ?
i shall stop whining. me know me have been complaining for the past few days.

hate O's. hate hate hate hate O's.
if not cause of O's, i will ask u.
i know what i wan, and i know what im doing is not wrong.
but im still rational. i dont wan ruin my O's.
i dont wan retake my O's or get 20+ .
but waiting for 10 mths in agony it's like waiting for a relative in coma to wake up.
dont leave me.

lying on my bro's bed now.
yea, im at sengkang now.
my asshole bro asked me to come over to collect my xmas present and it's not here =.=
it's at his gf's hse, at amk.
so have to wait here for like 3 hrs? befr the prezzie comes.
o well. at least there's CARTOOOON!!!!
IM WATCHING FAIRLY ODDPARENTS NOW!
ahh i missed my cartoons T_T.
must come seng kang more often ;DDD
ooooo, good news everyone! i ate ytd !! had 1/3 or a packet of rice for lunch. then ate the other 1/3 for dinner. dunno what happened to the other 1/3 though.
todayy ahh.. still haven had anything. but me not hungry ;D

Rach - hey girl thanks! but me not dumb to tell my mom. she will jus force me to eat and eat even though i dont feel like. she wont bring me go see doc der. anyw i will fine, thanks straighty ^^ me love u~!!

ahh i dunno how i get myself into this shit.
4 days nvr eat liao.
i dont eat, my stomach will growl and twist.
i eat will have gastric pain, super pain those kind.
save me!!

so i spent my christmas out with edith ytd to watch bedtime stories.
nice show, v.funny..and they've got this CHAO SUPER CUTE HAMSTER ><
omg..so cute.
anyw i was totally wasted ytd. totally.
couldnt really rmb what i did, quite blurry. hmm nice day and i had fun ;D
thanks girl.

wahh damn shiok man.
3 days only had 1 meal.
monday nvr eat.
tuesday ate half the longjohnsilver meal.
today nvr eat.
SHIOK MAN!
im so happy im so happy im so happy! wooooooo
and i dont have the christmasy feel. like everyone has been wishing me well.
but i dont feel the blessings leh. ha! nvm .. me dont care. me happy .

i feel so miserable.
everyday 2 hrs of sleep. everyday no appetite.
try to eat also will get gastric.
sound so like an aneroxic kid .
slept at 4 and woke jus at 6.
can kill me?
i dont wan to be awake for 22 hrs every single day.
very sian man. urgh

met edith today.
okay lah, a very nice girl . interesting also.
caught a movie , YES MAN!..felt like ages since i've step out of the house and watch movie .
after movies, went to taka.
then walk around.
then tampiness.
then long john silver.
then trained home.
long talk also. or should i say, non-stop talking ?
anyw, i've eaten smth today.
ytd whole day nvr eat.
today nvr eat til 8pm ?
and i had leftovers in my plate for goodness sake. i nvr had so much leftover befr man.
and i felt so terrible after that . til now it's still thr and even worse, i meant the feel.
woooooooo doomsday here i come ~ xD

it's been 3 yrs since i had this feeling. 3 yrs.
loss of appetite, insomnia, totally lost.
i've nvr felt so lost for ages.
i know what i want. and i know i wouldn't get it. and i shouldn't.
for the 2nd time in my life i forsake food and sleep. because these are no longer the things that keep me going.
it's incredible because it has only been a day.

3 days ago i was still eating like 4 meals and plenty of junk foods.
now i totally lost my appetite. i woke up at 6 am, and surprisingly i dint start ransacking for food around the house.
and from 6am til now, 7.30pm i still haven swallow anything and not feeling hungry.
first was insomnia. then was loss of appetite. and finally i've been deep in my thoughts the whole day. not able to concentrate in anything, not jus homework.
even when buying standard ticket, i wanted to go to bukit batok from choa chu kang.
and i press choa chu kang when i was choosing the destination for the standard ticket.
see what i mean? cck press cck ..
im dying man. seriously . dooms day is drawing near ;DDDDD

knnccbmotherfuckingpieceofshit.
slept at 3.30 ytd after hanging up with my new made friend.
then woke up at 6 when my mother came in to put the alarm clock.
then i when i try to go back to sleep, felt so warm and irritating .
tamade, only had 2.5hrs of sleep sia. wan sleep cnt sleep. shit lah. damn myself man.
what am i suppose to do at 6.30 in the morning ?! READ THE MOTHER FUCKING NEWSPAPER !?!?! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

-edited-
11.21 now , 5hrs and 21 mins had past. for this 321 mins i was suffering in pain man.
walked around the hse aimlessly, surfed the tv at the rate of 20chnls/min .. see how bored i was..? used the comp also got no game to play.
and i was waiting for ais's and edith's sms in agony can ? so bored and waiting sooooo painfully.
dunno why got insomnia also. and my chest is feeling awfully tight .
im dying!! :D

seriously i wan ship all the arseholes to bermuda triangle man.
today i had tuition . like after 1 and a half months.
anyw, while im on my way to tuition, i saw this mother fuckin disgustin , should be shot uncle being topless in the bus. and he had 1 foot on the chair. and he only wore his shirt when he was about to alight. tamade, seriously should be shot.
im sorry, i mayb mean. but i dont care, i dont like this kinda ppl. if my father in any case have got this kinda behavious in the future i so will dump him in da old folks home, i hate him anyw.

then nvm, had 3 hrs of tuition. sickening. all the simple qns that i used to close 1 eye and do, i cant even do it now with 2 eyes 1 brain. hais. sad sad .
alright, anyw. after 3 hrs of torture , bused home.
and ya know what ? again it's about blardy idlers..the elderly .
this uncle, perhaps in his 60s..
he sat by the window minding his own business, quite civilised and decent looking.
then he suddenly coughed , the phlegm-y kinda cough. and he spat on the bus floor. HE SPAT IN A BUS!!!!! WTFFFFF IS HIS PROBLEMMMMM!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHH
some ppl say im a hygiene freak. this has nothing to do with hygience man. HE SPAT IN A BUS! OMGOODNESS! ARGHHHHH
and then he started digging his nose and flicking his pisai off .
fuck, from the start i already dislike elderlys. now my ambition is to be a terrorist and kill all of them.

they are such social pest. whatever u might say, i will not change my view towards them. EW. pui.

sometimes i feel like an arse, carrying all the bad things ppl frame on to me when i dint.
yuan wang-ed man.

hmm, went do this annual christmas bbq at my aunt's condo.
very standard bbq sight , my bro's gf said.
teens will be smsing/psp-ing.
kids will run around playing catching.
adults will be busy chatting.
kinda boring thr. but my cousin, naydeen..she's damn cute man.
she went to this yellow colour thingy that's cemented to the floor and squatted. then she said '' im laying egg ''..and then ran off.
damn cute man .

okay, ya know beyonce's mv for single ladies is her dance, thru out.
and this guy call shane mercado, some professional dancer, learned her dance and posted it on youtube. and hell it's freaky, cause he dint miss a single detail.
and he shaked his ass harder than beyonce.
he got famous and was invited to a few shows.
must watch k : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ExgUW6ak8&feature=related

today had ''modern dance'', well actually it's like nonesense there lah.
cause ais, huda, halijah and ezal are suppose to choreograph a dance for the sec 1 orientation.
huda dint come today.
me ais and halijah was wasting our time at mac watching dance vids, when it's like 10.30
and we r suppose to be thr at like 9.
xu wei was flaming hot man, blasted ais thru phone, sexy right ?
then go thr, they no inspiration .. so we jus played there lah.
running , ping pong . wah damn fun. haha .
ohyahh, ezal was wearing blue contacts. omg so nice . uhhh, if my eyes dont have the flat surface prob, i would have gotten like blue , green, star and purple lah.
the contacts suit him so well. so jealous.
he's damn cool man.
and it's only 1 week left til sch reopen. no way can the few choreograph a like 2mins dance and teach the juniors lah. wooo, 3 cheers for them.
hais, i pity them. lucky im not in the thing xD

in everyone's eyes im always the villan.
everytime im the one hurting ppl, that's what ppl think.
seriously, i need to get a mirror for everyone.
see how ugly and full of flaws they are.
tsk.
to think im the femme. omg.

this is reggae. and is damn hardcore.

you might want to fast forward to o.42, i think it's a competition lah and they are jus one of the groups.

i wanted to take reggae, but after watching i see them shake butt and busts like no tmr, i changing my mind liao .

i jus showed my brother, john the asshole. an english teacher. some 18 yrs old blog with horrible english.
and to think that i score a C5 for my english and im critising them u should be able to imagine what kinda standards they have lah.
then john was reading it out loud while pointing out the mistakes, wah and i was laughing my ass out man .
oooo, and then i showed him my blog. and thank god he dint say much. so means not alot of mistakes lah ;D

-edited-
jus went to 1..2..3..4 blogs with fucked up english. ytd rech was telling me '' how come people can fail O level english, it's not possible . '' ..that's possible. but how can one's english goes to the extend whereby its buang(ugly) til cnt buang(ugly).
i thought my english is bad, but after viewing those blogs, i know those standards cnt be describe by words anymore.
hais, some are 18 yrs old smr.
some even my friends.
sad sad world.
whatever, off to do maths x(

today woke up at 7am. bath , eat then go to sch.
reach thr, do nth. i've no idea why i went either. mayb too bored at home.
the whole dance studio only got me and aishah, then she danced and do her warm up.
while i slack and played ping pong.
then i started to shouted at some hockey guys from the 1st level, cause the dance studio windows are black on the outside..cnt be seen lah. so i open abit and shouted '' WOOO sexy!! '' while they were running.
bored mah.
then went to BK at WM to eat . then elaina came. then studied. not for me lah. i was busy self-entertaining, due to lack of sleep. ki siao liao lar . slept at 3.30am ytd leh.
then walked around WM, saw Mrs Leong. faster ran out of the building, train to another shopping area, Lot 1.
then i bought a batman buckled belt , 30 bucks. reasonable.
but the fucking fact is it's damn loose, the smallest hole also tooooooo loose for me. i should have tried jus now when the person ask =.= cb. then need go see if they can do any changes to it anot. if not seriously is wasted 30 bucks. hais 2nd belt that's too loose and a fucking waste.

ohyah jus watch from youtube how bush was attacked by shoes from a iraq journalist, apparantly an angry one. damn cool man , go watch .

it has been ages since i last updated uh ?
i wont say i was busy til no time to update luh, jus lazing around at home, watching anime, eat and sleep.
occasionally meet up with my aishah sweetie cum barney-lover to study.
my holiday assignments still have not been touched upon yet. O well.
can always copy from sally biu jie or some shortie reb.
life's jus boring.
and i have to buy some decent clothes for my bro's wedding .
im thinking of dress..DONT LAUGH, it's not funny =.=
O well.. til then, nights.

-edited-
jus finished watchin all 26 episodes of strawberry panic.
it's 3.19 am now, and i can finally concentrate on my work.
cause of this anime, i watch and watch and watch and neglected everything else. even facebook.
ending of strawberry panic : shizuma got tgt with nagisa and tamao was left alone, as usual.
amane got tgt with hikari and got elected as etoile.
thats all. this anime only has got 4 ppl acting, JKing. jus that these are the main couples in the show, or should i say only couples ?
love this anime to da core man. like the best i've ever watched . better than bleach.
oh yea, i dont think you guys will understand but i jus blabbering for the sake of fun joy and laughter.
and for my own memories also.
damn nice, should go watch. cried 4 times thru out the whole anime.
whateva, nights ;D

regine ah regine.
when will you make up yr mind .
got cookie think of brownie.
got brownie think of cookie.
liddat, how to slim down.
ends up, hurt the cookie, the brownie and yrself.
hais. mayb regine's not meant for sweet stuff.
sweet stuff makes her get diabeties (lazy go check dic) .
mayb salty food ?..then kidney failure lor .
regine's not meant to be a gourmet . :\

21/24

this whole week is about dance.
i can think nothing other than dance.
wake up, bath and go out.
dance, then go home at night.
sleep like dead corpse til nx morning.
today every single day also got dance, but i dint attend on monday.. overslept.
and fuck sia, seriously lahh..regretted alot alot .
i missed out alot . fucking alot.
then i used 4 days to actually get all the steps clear , that was taught on monday .
monday - 3hrs of dance ( MISSED )
tuesday - 3hrs of dance.
wednesday - 6hrs of dance.
thursday - 6hrs of dance.
friday - 6hrs of dance.
total - 21/24hrs of dance + 2 knees of bruises + muscle aches + blisters - sleep - food - energy.
thank god thank god today is last day. ahhhhh
omg, bone is breaking.. and teacher say have to slim down to 25 inches and no more fats when sch reopen. my gooooodddd. so now, my brain is only full of diet foods.
i cant think of anything else.

the pics taken in japan are being uploaded in facebook. still uploading..
got 200+ leh, so must give me more time k peeps?
oh and i forget to mention how disgusting the chers are in my previous post.

okay, due to the climate change, we might not be able to adapt to it and leads to constipation.
so the chers keep saying how many times they shitted, how much the quantity is.
oh my god. DAMN it's disgusting. and they discussed loudly during meal times. what the..arghhh.

oh and there's one of this day , we went to a family park and had our lunch there.
and after the lunch, me and sheila spotted 2 kawaii boys, and started playing with them.
that was when we were obssessed with jap kids. they are CUTE!! KAWAII!!!!
everytime we see kids, we take pics with them and play with them. arghhhhhh~

Tag replies.
Rachael - hi straighty! thanks ^^ heart you too..
Sally - SAW YR PRESENT! thanks biu jie ^^
Gerry - no need miss liao, im back :D of cos lah, spending is so easy . o.o im changing blog song soon.
Sally - thanks for ya daily tag and keeping me tagboard alive k ^^ I LOVE YOU .
Hc - i missed you too . haha .
Rachael - YA, IM BACK ! WOO! but i dont want to be back T_T the boys there are extremely cute can? the things there are jus WOW. T_T no more toilet bowl to help me wash my butt.
Sally - THANK YOU BIU JIE! I MISSED YOU TOO~
Gerry - get from me on msn? i might me uploading it on friendster and facebook. :P

HELLO SINGAPOREANS!!
IM BACK FROM JAPAN!! KONICHIWA ^^
okayyyy.. dint post on sat ( the day i touchdown ) cause, obviously too tired.
post only today cause i was out for movies with rechelle.
she's damn tamade cool can? the first 5 mins with her was filled with anxiety.
firstly, she saw me and jus zoop to my side and called my hp and while staring at me.
secondly, she dint smile or said anything.
thirdly, she's damn dao, like chief traid liddat.
man she's awesome.

alright back to japan..
first i would like to introduce our tour manager, a plump guy call paul lim aka paul-san.
he used to be a RI teacher and now a funny tour manager who likes to see ppl suffer.
second is our languge interpretter, saisho-san..a lady who seems to be in her early 40s with no wrinkles and fair skin. she's actually 60 with 3 kids 3 grandchildren.

and lastly im not gna say about what exactly happened for the 6 days, but it's gna be hell boring. so heck the educational stuff and moving on to less boring things.
-we spend 4-6 hrs on bus everyday.
-went to mountains and museum.
-played snow fight and experience snow.
-used the toilet bowl that washes asshole, damn ticklish. >< -tried the hot bath, the need to be naked kind. not bad not bad, missing it right now. and i saw alot ppl's naked butt, including ms chua's ... hohoho :P -seen alot alot of kawaii boys, the 6 yrs old kind. they are damn cute im telling you, super cute. unlike the singapore ones, so buang. -japanese ppl are way too polite and kind. they treated us like king and queens, bow to us everytime they see us ( 90 degree bow ). and nvr fail to smile. arghhh...i miss their ppl. today on MRT, saw the singaporean behaving so buangly, disgrace man. -they toilets are so clean, i think it's even cleaner than yr bedroom. none, i mean NONE of the toilet i went is dirty. even the rural areas toilet are also clean like hell, no water, no litter. but got smell cause the toilets are air-conditioned, so no ventilation. -the minamata disease is scary, they consumed methyl mercury and it damaged their central nerve system which lets them loses their ability to control their limbs and they will keep jerking non-stop. also affects their speech. terrifying . -for memory purposes. 1st day. fukuoka > nagasaki. ( A-bomb visit )
2nd day. nagasaki > kumamoto. (school exchange, samurai's history+cemetry visit and obento lunch :D )
3nd day. kumamoto > minamata.( hotto house visit and coastal features learning )
4th day. minamata > mount aso. ( SUPER boring volcano museum, even ms candice tan and ms parv fell asleep watching the 15 mins film , oh and ms chua also. HAHA. Paul-san treated us ice cream, had snow fight and experience snow )
5th day. mount aso > minamata. ( shopping at digital mall and 'suntec-like' shopping mall, high-class kind..got Coach and LV )

if im not wrong, the order should be liddat. i kinda lost track of day and time back at japan, too fun. cnt rmb such trival stuff.
I MISS THE KAWAII BOYS AND THE HOT BATH. T.T
ohoh and i had bed bite all over my legs, 40 plus bites.

and i know, you guys wan pictures right?
i've got 2oo+ of them, so ask from me on msn luh. some are with sheila though.

i must live a japan when i grow up sia. there are NO ugly ppl and NO fat ppl. im serious. even the waiter also damn shuai one. and the guys there are clean shaven with trimmed eyebrows and cute face. im serious, many of them have their eyebrows trimmed for hygenien purposes. and the girls all look like model can? .. perm hair, long eye lashes, slim legs, fair skin.
ohoh, the ppl there have got NO PIMPLES. seriously, if you think singapore is good, go to japan. you wont wan to come back.
me and sheila were so obsessed with the kids and ppl there, we were planning of getting lost there and stay there for good man.

okay, this shall be the end of my talk on thie trip. im strongly encouraging you to go japan. the ppl are great. the food are delicious. everyone are nicely dressed, even aunties and uncles. scenery is gorgeous. kids are kawaii. trust me, you wont regret. urgh..the ppl all have nice dressing, esp the guys.. damn shuai and cool i tell you. they dress way nicer than jorT, every single one of them... T.T