3 weeks since i last post-ed.
let me write out what happened in the last 23 days and why i didn't post for so long.

initially was busy taking care of mother cause she contracted brain cancer.
took care of her til she passed away on 13th april at 1.45am.
not very glorious, but she committed suicide. she wasnt in a sane state.
and it was also a relieve for her. at least she did not have to go through the last stage of cancer, which is horrendous.
13th april was a monday.
so the the subsequent week, i did not attend school. her funeral lasted for 5 days. cremated on friday.
the following week, returned to school and try to catch up with work.
celebrated 2nd month on 22nd april. and a movie just ytd.
and also my father jus got sacked like the following week after the funeral week.
so was kinda troubled with the family conflicts.


13th april
woken up by the opening of my bedroom door. and someone in dark blue switched on my lights.
i turned to look at them, quickly reached for the floor.
stood up, went up to them. take a closer look..cops. 5 cops.
they asked
'' are you alone ?'' ,
'' where is your mother ?'' ,
'' what was your mother wearing ? '',
''do you have your mother i/c? '' and
'' do you have i/c ? ''
i stunned. felt like a dream. a very odd dream.
i froze for a second, and asked '' may i know what happened ? ''

they did not answer me, goosebumps rose.
they shoot again '' if we bring u to identify a pair of slippers that belongs to your mother, would you be able to regconise ? ''
'' yes''
they brought me from 11th storey to 14th storey. walked to the stairs.
there it was, a pair of ripples slippers on a stand for pots.

'' do you regconise them? '' by the policemen .
''it'..s m..ine..'' i stumbled.
we took the lift to the 1st level.

i turned to my left when i left the lift.
i broke down. hair rose. praying hard it is just a horrible dream.
a tent was on the pathway. printed on the tent was '' POLICE ''
the whole area around the tent was cordon off.
i knew clearly who was lying under that tent.
that was how my nightmare started. and it is still going on.
i miss her.