kinda pissed now , cause my bro jus wasted 10 mins of my life by erasing my almost-done-post. arghhh crapped.
okay let's start again.

feeling traumatized/confused. and very vexed now .
cause ive no idea why im not talkin to her, i cant find the cause . ugh.
today i played badminton with her, but still i said nth to her. i mention not a single word to her.
but i can rmb she said '' ready? '' i nodded. and she said '' sorry '' when she lifted the lizard. and another sentence about the lizard.
i responded, but w/o eye contact and words. awkward man.
im not angry with her, there's no flame, no negative thoughts no recollection of bad stuffs. no way am i mad.
mayb im upset with the fact that i was worried. and mayb im embarrassed, not to the society but to ppl i know.
mayb this is the first hand experience of how it feels like and i cant accept it.
or mayb otherwise.
but still i think it's most likely the guilt. that sense of guilt is still around.
i dunno what happened man, like seriously i dunno y im acting in this manner. i dint talked to her, i dare not even bring my eyes to look at her . my brain jus says '' dont look, no, dont. '' .
even during the game, i only looked at the shuttlecock and her position, the 'dont look' warning popped again.
very upset right now, cause i still dunno y im feeling this way. very vexed .